One Year, Looking Back

One year ago I was excited to see all of my friends again and live with my family after 3 years of seperation. I was anxious about the transission, after living in New Zealand for that long, but I was happy none-the-less to be back home.

Looking back feels weird to me. It doesn’t feel like I’ve been back for 365 days now. The time feels more like months have passed rather than a full year. I have made good use of that time being with friends, traveling to places I’ve never gone before, meeting new people, making new friends, reuniting with old ones, continuing old traditions, and eating ALL the good food, haha. Continue reading “One Year, Looking Back”

First Christmas Back

It’s been some time since I’ve been able to have a white Christmas with my family. For the past three years, Christmas has been 90 degrees, shorts, sand, some sunscreen, your jandals, and a bach to hang with your friends in. Paradise, some of you may be thinking right about now. Well, I found these versions of Christmas to be rather…unfulfilled. Where’s the snow? Where’s the pine tree? Where are the snowmen? Why do ALL Christmas songs feel so hollow when heard on a tropical Island? Continue reading “First Christmas Back”

Many Mother’s Day

What does it mean to have three incredible mothers in my life? What is the impact of seeing motherhood lived out day in and day out? What is the alternate of this? The impact of a horrible mother, the effects of a neglectful, unloving, absent mother? The scars left by an abusive, overbearing, and insulting mother? This day, like Christmas, Father’s Day, or birthdays, can be a reminder of something we’d rather forget. The pain that is drudged up by the annual forced reminder of this person’s presence, or lack there of, can be more than they would like to deal with. Continue reading “Many Mother’s Day”

Dating. A Dying Art form.

carnival fair themed engagement couple shoot

This post has been a long time coming.

Lately, and especially with my 26th birthday now under my belt, I have been doing a lot of thinking about my past. This included talking about my successes and my failings. One area that my mind drifted to recently was Dating.

With chasing down a Master’s degree right after getting my Bachelors degree, cramming my education into half of the time, in order to finish early, and leaving the country to live in New Zealand…it’s no surprise that I didn’t have much time to go on dates. Very few in fact.

Dating is fun. Plain and simple. It is an opportunity to have a lot fun with the opposite sex, with the possibility of that first date turning into a longer, more meaningful relationship. Dinner, movie, and ice cream. Walks, drinks, and star-gazing. A drive, conversation, and an out-of-the-way adventure. However you design the date, it’s a fun time. That being said, don’t go overboard. You can absolutely do too much in a date. If you’re unsure, vet your plans with friends you trust. Additionally, not all dates go the way that you planned. I know that territory, ha. Once I was on a date and didn’t even know it. Talk about awkward.

And that segues perfectly into my point. Dating, as I have come to notice in New Zealand, is a passive game. (DISCLAIMER: I am speaking from my perspective and accounts told to me by women here in NZ, as well as some men. If you feel you are not one of these men I am describing, feel free to tell the world and comment below. Also, prepare for some massive over-generalizations.) Young men in NZ can sometimes take the back seat and fail to commit when it comes to dating. “But asking someone out is dangerous, risky, and scary.” Yeah. It is. But taking months to even ask her out on a proper date can most times be exhausting for the women. Assertiveness goes a long way.

To that effect, when you’re going on a date, make sure it’s actually a proper date. When I told you earlier that I didn’t know I was on a date, I was 18, and it was a group event. Being young, I must have missed something. I learned from that horrible awkward night and made sure to treat dating differently. First off: Groups. Okay for the first few times, but eventually you have to take a leap. Also, Dating should not be a random coffee meet-up, or haphazardly pulled romantic-dates-a-dinner-to-remembertogether. That makes things confusing. An intentional, thought out, Yes, possibly even risky planned night eliminates the need for awkward conversations where you are trying to define your relationship. It’s brave. It’s assertive. And most of all, It shows you care about the person.

Like I’ve said before; going out with someone, even if it doesn’t turn into a second date, can be fantastic. Don’t hold on so tight to the result. Just be yourself and enjoy each others company.

I have to tell you, I missed out on opportunities to date while getting my professional degrees. It happens. Some opportunities couldn’t be helped. But others I wish I would have taken advantage of. Now I’m going to say something that I usually wouldn’t say because of how it could be taken out of context, and maybe it’s because I’m getting older…slightly, but we’re only young for so long. Enjoy the opportunities you have to get to know someone new, until you find the person who doesn’t make you sad that you stopped dating.

Call me a traditionalist, but there are times when I feel like the kind of dating that I have been talking about is on its way out the front door. Chivalry and kindness. Bravery and courage.  Boldness and fervor. Dating can be an art if you treat it like one. Men, women, I plead with you. Reform how we date each other, and I promise you, not only will you have a lot of fun, but they will respect you above the coffee date. I mean…I really hope they do.

500-days-of-summer-joseph-gordon-levitt-couple-ice-cream-Favim.com-536373