Hey everyone. It seems that life passed by faster than I ever thought it could this December. It may be myself, but I was not able to keep a hold on this month, watching it careen by, waving as it passed. Many things happened this month, and I am full of stories. It is a shame that I cannot divulge them right now, but this month has been filled with trials and happiness mixed. I have payed back my parents, emptying my account, I have reconnected with God, I have reunited with my best friend from New Zealand, things with my guys small group are going well. God is blessing me to say the least. I am thankful, I really am.
If it is the lies that I feed you that you want, I can willingly give them over to you for a flat rate. If it is just the pain and suffering that you seek, I offer plenty of this as well. My heart is open and I am giving to the lowest bider. The spinning wheel of fate holds my end game. The problem lies when I am not sure when the madness ends. Will it cease to circle? Why is it that every corner holds a man in black? Why is it that in every alley, there is a man who is ready to entice and steal the precious moments that are still mine? I want so desperately to hold onto them. I want so desperately to keep them close. Don’t take them away. But I know its not something he takes. It’s something I give away. Like a lamb to slaughter, I give it. Without trouble, without effort and without thought…I give it away. Again and again, time after time I give it. It is the insensible thing when we just give up everything for nothing, and yet this is what I seem to do time over time over time. The repetition of it is what makes me sick. Why? What provokes you, they ask. What does it give back in return? What do you gain?! For questions such as these, I am left without speech. Lost in the haziness and fog.