I just took one of those stupid, “What National Park Are You?” quizzes that you see on facebook, but almost alway skip over. Today, for some reason, I took it. I was bored sitting in my ice box for a room, and had a few minutes. The quiz asked me more questions than I ever thought possible for an online, meaningless, click-bait quiz. Still, the quiz brought me to an odd realization: It’s been a while since I had a one-on-one with you guys. Really let you inside my head. For an introvert, this is as close as it gets to external processing, ha.
I wanted to bring you in on something that may or may not come to fruition, but you should know all the same. I’ve told the ones that need to know, and for those who didn’t fall into that category, it would just take too much time to do one at a time.
For the past year that I’ve been back, I have seen Josh Garrels Live (bucket list), started working manual labor again while looking for a job, job searched nearly every month, enjoyed dinner parties with friends, lunch catch-ups, coffees. I’ve made new friends and maintained life-long relationships. I had 4 separate Kiwi friends, in three months, decide to come to the states and stay with me. Saw New York for the first time. Saw California for the first time also. Drove the long road trips, and flew more than I cared to, haha. Stressed over money. Stressed over my faith. Stressed over progress.
But…the underlining thread connecting all of this has been something I’ve kept close to the chest because I didn’t want it to be “a thing.” That “thing” was that I have been looking for a job out of state for months now. I started when I moved back, but put the whole thing on hiatus while my friends from out-of-country were visiting. Since that all ended, I’ve started up again. Why close to the chest? I was worried. Worried that people would react. Worried that it was premature. Worried that I would fail.
To be honest, I knew that I wanted to do this even before I had moved back home. Months before leaving New Zealand (which if you didn’t know, is where I lived from 2012-2015), I was making plans to do this. It’s not that I don’t like home. It’s not that I don’t like my friends. It’s not that I don’t like my family. To know why, you have to know me, Eric Peterson, vagabond of the Peterson clan. Since graduating high school, I have been leaving, moving, bouncing, and landing my way through life, never staying put long enough to settle in or give myself a chance at what life has for me. After making the decision to move back to the states in 2015, I heard God say to me, “Stop. Stop moving. Settle down. Grow roots. Live. You’re sabotaging yourself. You’re not giving yourself a chance. Settle down and Stop.”
After hearing that, I felt, well, I felt really violated that God knew me so well. How dare he know what’s right for me! Once I calmed down, I knew He was right. I knew that I have been doing this to myself for too long. I also knew that if I was going to settle down, it should hit some guidelines. 1.) I should like living there. 2.) My family is very important to me. 3.) The state supports my work.
Last week, I was in Colorado Springs. I was there because I was getting interviewed for a job as a Child Protection Therapist. I’d like to get the job, but if I don’t, I’ll still be looking for work in Colorado. This is my next step. Until I feel that God is taking me in another direction, this is what I came home to do. Come what may, I need to look for a place that hits those three areas, which is why I’m looking into Colorado.
It’s frightening, it’s exciting, it’s heartbreaking, and it’s invigorating. It’s…so damn complicated. My mind is a proverbial circus. I welcome prayers in my search for a job and I thank those of you who have already been reluctantly supportive, haha.
Finally, I wanted to say; I didn’t want to write this. In fact, I was happy just keeping this one close to the chest. But I felt like I needed to. I owe you. I owe a lot of you. Thank you for making it this far, and please, go out and enjoy this weather (haha, said no one in Illinois). God Bless.